Healing

 My Inner Support Team at one point decided that it was time to focus my JournaLogue mainly on an aspect of my Inner Child—my Abandoned Child. Her name is not Christiane, but LILY. This comes from her visualization. I see her as a child lying or sitting in the heart of a water lily. When LILY is resting, she is curled up and the leaves of the flower cover her up. I have understood that this is a sign that she needs to be left to herself. When she is awake and actively participating in the JournaLogue sessions, the flower petals open up and LILY sits or moves around.

In the past I have had very many conversations with LILY. These have taken me through all possible emotions, from despair and deep sadness to joy and laughing out loud. These conversations have even inspired me to interrupt my journaling with dancing and singing. I love LILY dearly.

I know, of course, that there is always more to learn from each of my Inner Support Team members. No matter how much I have already learned from them, my experience has shown me that in new circumstances old patterns often show up again and guide me to see something more.

The dialogue with my Abandoned Child was triggered this time by an old pattern of low self-esteem. This has manifested itself in my relationship with money again and again through my life. The pattern is grounded in lack of self-worth, stemming from a sense of being unwanted and unworthy of love and care—of being emotionally abandoned—as a small child.  Thankfully, I have learned much about this pattern already and can therefore bring curiosity and relative ease to the exploration of what shows up.

The main learning I took from this week’s JournaLogue with LILY feels profound to me, and the best way for me to share it with you is by copying the core part of my dialogue into today’s blog:

Me: Here it is again – the doubt about whether what comes into the world through me is needed.

LILY: It is the deepest wound you are carrying. 

Me: The wound is from the sense of not being wanted. After all we have already explored, is that really still present?

LILY: Of course it is still present. You already know that it is not just a painful issue, but that it has been one of your main sources of energy that has been driving your life and a lot of what you have achieved. And you also know that you can shift this energy by seeing how it is not about the question of being wanted or not. This question represents the pattern that sometimes lays itself over your inner perception like a veil. It is keeping you from connecting to your unique place in consciousness, your soul. 

Remember – a wound is a crack, a portal. A portal into deeper wisdom and knowing.

Me: Let me put in my words what I just heard you say: Through embracing my wounds, they can become soft and open up to turn into portals that allow the light of my soul to shine through.

LILY: Yes. That is the learning you have been offered today.

Later that week, my LOVE reminded me of an insight I had a long time ago: “Only what you love can heal.” Connecting that with this week’s JournaLogue, I can see even better how embracing my wounds means loving them and integrating them as inseparable parts of me. They then become portals through which I can see more of my soul. This gives me a wonderful perspective on what healing can mean to me.